**Spoiler alert: Some of the comments in this post may possibly give away the ending, in case you have not yet seen the movie The Greatest Showman.
My husband and I recently found ourselves on a last-minute date, due to a wonderful friend and her idea to swap babysitting. A rare date night with my man and FREE babysitting? Check and double check.
Once at the theater, we settled into the plush leather seats (well, okay, they're not that plush), sipped our Dr. Pepper, and waited for the movie to start. I won't give away the whole thing, but I can tell you that within the first five minutes I had a lump welling up in the back of my throat, not because the movie was overly sad, but because I have such a soft spot for little boys, especially those who are mistreated, and I am a woman who still deals with all the post-pregnancy hormones. Yes, they last forever, in case you didn't already know. Thank you, Eve.
Following the true story of P. T. Barnum, the movie was packed with exhilarating music, lyrics, pomp, and circumstance and spoke of what can happen when you dare to dream dreams that are bigger than you are. Dreams that are riskier than where you came from or what people ever believed you were capable of. Dreams that take you further and inspire others along the way. We are people captivated by a good story, always cheering for the hero, rooting for the underdog, and hoping for a happy ending. We revel in the wonder of seemingly insignificant or unlikely persons achieving what no one thought possible, what no one saw coming. And a part of us deep down inside wishes it were us.
We want to be the heroine (or hero) saving the day, keeping our chin up when all hope seems lost, rallying the troops when their faces are downcast and the future appears dim. At least for me, I want to believe that when things seem impossible, I will choose to believe that we will make it - that I will be the one to push through and come out on the other side victorious.
So why don't I? Why don't we? Why are we more often than not, the ones heckling on the sidelines, choosing to give up, give in? Or, like the grumpy theater critic in the movie, we doubt that new ideas will succeed, much less gain a following that stands the test of time. With all the negativity in our world today, it's easy to let ourselves become the victims of our stories rather than turning our backs on the lies and choosing to move forward despite the odds.
I've been chewing on Romans 12:1 the last couple weeks. "Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." My mind must be made new each and every day. I must choose what I fill it with, what I spend time thinking about, what captures my affection. And in the way I shape my mind, that is who I become. When we make a conscious decision to dwell on who God is, His power, His ability to work in and through us even making impossible things possible, it is there we find the best version of the story. The story HE is writing. When we choose to believe His plot line is better than what we could have imagined for ourselves it frees us to walk in courage and contentment. And consequently, we go beyond the limits that have been placed on us.
However, like P.T. Barnum, we too, can fall prey to pride, overconfidence, and become so single-minded toward the pursuit of greatness that we forget what is most important. In an attempt to be seen and praised by others as he rose above what some said he was destined to become, Barnum lost himself. The goal was no longer just about living his best life, it was about proving and accomplishing and winning. And for a minute, he unknowingly walked away from the one who sparked that zeal and passion for more in the first place.
Too many times before I have stumbled into that same exact trap.
Wanting more, wanting to make an impact is not all bad. Choosing to be brave, resisting the status quo is not wrong. Jesus said "I have come that they may have life, and have it abundantly" (John 10:10.) Even He wants us to thrive! But when the dream of More becomes the goal rather that the Giver of the dream, then we have missed it completely. I have often asked God why I can't have my own cute little business, a brand that's making a big impact, the platform I thought I had been called to...when will it be MY turn?? And the answer came gently, though different than what I expected.
Sitting in a small room tucked in a boutique hotel in Colorado, amidst an ambitious group of women longing to do more God spoke to my heart.
Just pursue Jesus.
That's all. No fluff. No hidden agenda. No other plan. No platform-seeking allowed. Just Jesus.
It wasn't the message I was hoping for, but in this season I have been trying to do just that. I have tried to stop obsessing over why I'm not where perhaps I could be and become more consistent in spending time with Jesus. Not for what He can give me or make me, but just to be with Him and love Him more deeply.
Just pursue Jesus.
The dream of More still rattles around in the back of my head, probably because it was put their by my Creator for a purpose He has not yet revealed to me. But for now, my eyes must be on His. When I am satisfied in Him, and He is enough, then I have everything I ever wanted. Romans 12 goes on to say that once our minds are being renewed and not filled with the garbage/distractions of the world, then we will be able to test and approve the good and pleasing will of God.
THEN.
Why would God lead me to something big for Him, even if my desires are to ultimately give Him all the glory, if I'm not first one hundred percent sold out in my belief that just knowing and being with Him is better than any grand plan I could concoct? I ask Him to help me lock eyes with Jesus so that I am ready to take the next step, however small I might think it is.
Like P.T. Barnum, dreaming big is something that wells up from deep inside us, put there by a good God who desires good things for His creation. He has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline (2 Timothy 1.) So, dream big! Be brave! Reach for the stars in all your goals and pursuits. But make sure you're pursuing Jesus first, that He is the one driving your dreams. I want to say like Moses, "God, if you're not going with me then I don't want to go at all."
I have a card that is pinned to a bulletin board near my kitchen that I see often. It says "Dream Big, Pray Bigger." If we're doing that, well, who knows where God might take us. Even to the circus.