Hay Dust and Fear

Hay Dust and Fear

Oh, this one. I’ve honestly been wondering lately if God isn’t trying to teach me something, because a few weeks ago Isaac all of a sudden decided he was terrified at the thought that I would leave him. One morning he was simply devastated that I would even consider leaving him at school (per our normal routine, mind you) and has worried since that I might not come back and get him. He asks repeatedly if his teachers have my phone number and know our home address. He has hugged me more often, squeezed me tighter at night, and CLUNG to me without letting go if I refuse to go with him somewhere. At bedtime and nap time he makes me promise that I won’t leave the house (as if I would actually leave him home alone) and has more than once, literally made me trip over him being right under foot. This kid will be 5 next month. What gives?  

3 Ways to Deepen Your Friendships

3 Ways to Deepen Your Friendships

A friend recently asked me a question that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about. Following a small conflict in which my feelings were hurt but we quickly resolved, she said, “Tell me how I can love you well.” I’m not sure anyone has ever asked me that question specifically. How can you love me well? Hmmm…. A few things immediately came to mind but I knew before answering that I wanted to chew on it a little more. How couldshe love me well? Our seasons currently look pretty different, our personalities and communication styles differ, and we certainly have varying gifts and abilities. And yet, I love her dearly and know she feels the same. This is worth figuring out.

Playing Hide-and-Seek with God

Playing Hide-and-Seek with God

Today is Isaac’s first day or pre-K and consequentially, in my book at least, it officially marks the end of summer. No more lazy days at the pool, spending most of the day in PJs, or the all-too-familiar chorus of “I don’t know what to do!” No ma’am, today it’s back to our regular routine. (Can you hear all the angels in heaven singing!?) Since Zachary’s school starts earlier than Isaac’s, that means the last two weeks have left Isaac without his usual playmate and he has vacillated between having to be okay with entertaining himself and begging me to play games with him.

How Saying Yes Can Destroy Our Lives

I woke up this morning burdened for several of my friends. The words of recent conversations rang in my mind as I recounted the things we had discussed. For the most part, the themes were all the same: I’m so busy. I’m tired all the time. I come home from work and just want to be alone. It’s hard to find joy with my family. I never see my husband. Our schedules have affected our sex life. We’re looking at possible divorce. And the list goes on…

In today’s world, we try to juggle ninety-seven things at once, believing they are all important and worthy of our attention, and we’re tired. Exhausted, actually. Depleted. We have nothing left to give, no more joy, and we’ve spiraled into “Survival Mode.”

Spoiler alert: I’m going to say some things in this post that might be controversial, and maybe even border on meddling. But I believe they are truth from God’s Word, and we need to be talking about this. And here’s why:

A Note to Every Woman on Mother's Day

A Note to Every Woman on Mother's Day

This Sunday is Mother’s Day and I know that brings mixed emotions for many, many people. A day filled with joy and celebration for some can mean sadness, disappointment, and grief for others. But regardless of where you might be this year, I want you to know this, beautiful woman: I see you. 

To the woman who is currently a mother, working HAAARRRDD each day to raise your babies and teach them how to live, love, and serve others, I see you. I see how you get up early each morning to have five minutes for yourself before you lay out clothes and pack lunches, check homework, look for shoes, and chauffeur all the people.

Why My Marriage is a Miracle

Why My Marriage is a Miracle

Today my husband and I celebrate 10 years of wedded bliss. Granted, not every single moment has been filled with bliss, ("for the 87th time, can you please turn off the light in the closet!!???") but it has been a ride filled with so many good things I couldn't have known to even dream up the day we stood at the altar together and said "I do." 

As much as you love someone, there just simply isn't a way for you to know what various adventures the years ahead will bring. Some days you will be so mad at each other and wonder how this could have possibly been God's pick for you; others will be full of so much pure joy you think your heart might burst. But we didn't say yes to our feelings, we said yes to each other. We said "yes" to doing life together, with the Lord at the center, regardless of how peaceful or difficult it might be at times.

And sometimes, it's really stinking difficult. 

Women Who Change The World

Barbara Bush died last week, and I have suddenly become fascinated with her life. Never having paid much attention to her before, it is somewhat surprising to be so drawn to her now. However, given the myriad tributes and special reports that have focused on her just in the first 24 hours of her passing, I would say there is reason to pay attention.

I find it so interesting that though she herself was never President, nor did she have some grand achievement to boast per se, she was highly influential because of the family of which she was a part. Headlines have stated she "ran the family who ran the country." Reminds me a little of the saying, "Behind every good man is a good woman." The fact that she chose to love and lead well in her calling as wife and mother even though she never deliberately sought the spotlight gives women like me great hope. 

In this season of being Mom to young children, the temptation to be discontent or feel less-than can at times seem overwhelming. It is far too easy to look around at others and compare their achievements or contributions to my embarrassing lack thereof. Social media provides a wonderland of devastation. Until... Until I remember who I am, WHOSE I am, and Who is writing my story. Incidentally, the One who writes our stories is also the One who designed the measuring stick for success. Oh, but I forget that far too much. 

Barbara Bush became well known not because of who she was, but because of who her husband was. And she seemed perfectly secure in that fact. The love, admiration, and respect she had for her husband was apparent. She had a choice in how she would live her life, respond to situations, and serve her family. As she grew in wisdom, joy, and faith, so did those around her. The people surrounding her rose to success, but perhaps they did so while standing on her shoulders. 

The knowledge of the power we have as women and the roles we play as such, can be somewhat sobering. In the mundane routine of my days - packing lunches, checking homework folders, folding laundry, grocery shopping - the seemingly insignificant tasks that simply must get done for us to live suddenly become much more important. Yes, I just made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Nothing life-changing about that. And yet, the little boy who takes that sandwich to school, will open his lunch box and read the note reminding him of how proud his mother is of him and how much he is loved, and he is changed by it. He grows up believing that he is something special. That his life has meaning and purpose. That his presence here matters. As a mom, I can use my influence to speak life and truth, to build up and support, or to tear down and destroy. 

Obviously, I dare not compare what I have done in my 34 years of life to what Barbara Bush accomplished in her 92, but I can learn from her that even "small" achievements make a difference. It propels me forward and increases my desire to be an inspiration for others. It sheds not necessarily new, but refreshing light on my role as a woman, wife, and mother, and reminds me that what I do each day really does have meaning beyond what I can see. 

Today, I am not speaking on a public stage. I am not a decorated author. I am not bandaging wounds of Syrian refugees or sheltering a dozen orphans from war-torn countries. I have not discovered the cure for cancer or built a life-giving business from the ground up. My name has never made the daily papers. Even so, my drive to make a difference is no less important. My desire to influence and the opportunities I have to do so are no less valuable or valid. And no one can say that God is not still working through my life, through every "Yes" I give Him. 

No, today I am a Mom. A wife. A daughter. A sister. A friend. I get to choose how I walk in those roles, and trust that as I walk with excellence, the Lord will continue leading each step. He is the One who gives meaning to our roles, whatever they may be. And He is the One who determines all those whom we will influence in our lifetime. (Lest you are tempted to be impressed with my self-acceptance, know that this is a truth I must preach to myself each and every day! The struggle is real.)   

It is not always us who decides those who will truly change the world. We cannot see the parts of our stories that are yet unwritten. Surely mothers such as Susanna Wesley, Pauline Einstein, Adele Sandberg, Vernita Lee (Oprah's mother) and others never fully imagined who their 6 year-old children would one day grow up to be. But they believed in what could be and chose to use their influence as best they could. 

We will never know what the Bush family might have been were Barbara not in it, but we do know how the Lord used her influence to powerfully shape the lives of those around her. And that is the cry of my heart: that God would take all that I have and allow it to be an inspiration for others, for the glory of Jesus. Perhaps my husband will never know the prayers I have lifted up on his behalf, but he can walk in the fruit that comes from them. Perhaps my children will never really know all the ways I served and sacrificed for them as they grew up, but I pray that God molds them into mighty men who are full of wisdom and favor because of their relationship with the Lord that was shaped in our home. It is possible my friends and neighbors and anyone else I come in contact with will not get to see the struggle between me and God as I wanted to resist what He was asking me to do but, by His grace, they will see the glory of Christ when I actually do choose to walk in obedience.

Yes, women can and do in fact, change the world. May we all be such women as we walk in the roles God has given us, remembering that each new season is not without divine purpose.           

Couldn't We All Be The Greatest Showman?

Couldn't We All Be The Greatest Showman?

My husband and I recently found ourselves on a last-minute date, due to a wonderful friend and her idea to swap babysitting. A rare date night with my man and FREE babysitting? Check and double check.

Once at the theater, we settled into the plush leather seats (well, okay, they're not that plush), sipped our Dr. Pepper, and waited for the movie to start. I won't give away the whole thing, but I can tell you that within the first five minutes I had a lump welling up in the back of my throat, not because the movie was overly sad, but because I have such a soft spot for little boys, especially those who are mistreated, and I am a woman who still deals with all the post-pregnancy hormones. Yes, they last forever, in case you didn't already know. Thank you, Eve. 

Jesus Doesn't Care About My Square-Footage

Jesus Doesn't Care About My Square-Footage

I'm sure you've heard the phrase, "Comparison is the thief of all joy." And to that I would say, yes, I agree, Looking back I can see many, many times when I let comparison steal my joy, contentment, and confidence, robbing me of enjoying the gifts I'd been given. 

And to that I say, well, it's just high time we get over it. 

The other day a friend was coming over to visit who hadn't been to my house in a while. As I prepared for her arrival, images of her house flashed through my mind, propelling me forward as I swept and cleaned and moved things around as if I had been given 20 minuted to prepare for a visit from the queen. 

That Time I Almost Failed Kindergarten

That Time I Almost Failed Kindergarten

Well, hello again. I know it's been awhile since I've posted anything, and for that I'm sorry. Apparently, LIFE happened, and I just can't even deal. I'm a wimp, I know. But now school is back in session, fall is just around the corner (or, for us hopeless Texans, we're dragging it around the corner by the scruff of its scarf-laden neck and cramming pumpkin spice lattes down it's throat while we light ALL THE FALL CANDLES in hopes that it will hurry up already!. Help us), and I have some kind of routine again. 

Except, we have a new routine. 

Ladies and gentleman, we've crossed the threshold into KINDERGARTEN. 

Only One Life To Live

Only One Life To Live

I have been waiting to post this for a while, because I just haven't quite had the words. My heart has been so full, so heavy, and so burdened. This past week, some dear family friends tragically lost their son/husband/brother to a ranch fire in the Texas panhandle. Mine and Justin's hearts have been hurting for them all week, along with countless others who knew and loved this man and his family. My heart has been breaking for his 30-year old wife and their two small children, with a third on the way.

These are the moments when there are so many questions. So many "God we know you are good, but.....just, why???"

Once Upon a Supper Club...

Once Upon a Supper Club...

Because of a multitude of reasons and just because LIFE happens, my husband and I know a lot of people from different places. Different walks of life, different cities, a melting pot of organizations, churches, and random meetings. But knowing people and truly being known by people are two different things. The older I get I find myself yearning, deep down, for real connection. Deep friendships that span the test of time, that are willing to get dirty when life throws you a grounder, that come over to your house and don't judge you because you're not wearing makeup and your carpet is littered with crayons and cheerios. These are the friends that become keepers.

On Approval, Self-Discovery, & Ice Cream

On Approval, Self-Discovery, & Ice Cream

Confession: my name is Christy and I'm a recovering people-pleaser. 

There. I said it. 

Growing up, they said I was the "compliant" one. They said I was so "sweet." They said I was a "mercy." Always looking to encourage and help, be the peace-maker and smooth over the conflict, that was me. Still is me, to some extent. 

And none of that is a bad thing, until it is - until it becomes your modis operandi and you realize the motivation behind it all is a deep need for approval. Or maybe it's fear. Fear of not being approved. Whatever. It's there.

A Year to Flourish

A Year to Flourish

 love a new year. New starts. Fresh goals. Reflection on the past and planning for the future. (And since I'm an office supply nerd, crisp new notebooks and calendars.) A little reset to all the crazy that has happened.  

And though I hope to start off right, to start fresh, some days I am blatantly aware of the deep, deep ugliness of my heart. A new year doesn't just wash that away. At times it manifests itself in the form of rage - usually due to something my children did or did not do. Other times it pokes its head up and tries to grabs every cute shirt, makeup trend, or stylish home decor within reach. And still others it sits heavy in the pit of my stomach, like a sopping wet towel in a heap, drenched with self-pity, comparison, and discontent. 

The Parenting Manual

The Parenting Manual

I feel like if you have a baby, and the hospital (or midwife) actually lets you take the baby home to live with you forever and always, it's pretty obvious that it should be a requirement for them to also give you The Manual - you know, the one that tells you ALL THE THINGS you need to know about how to raise said baby.

After all, they only sleep all day and live to eat and poop for as long as it takes you to change into a fresh pair of yoga pants...

When Life is Just Too Hard

When Life is Just Too Hard

Sometimes life isn't fair. Sometimes it hurts way more than it should. Sometimes the things that were supposed to go so right end up turning out so wrong, and we ache in places we never knew existed. And it's not that we expect everything to always be perfect because let's face it - that's just not life, but we do wish there was a way to protect ourselves from the really tough stuff. The stuff we wish wasn't even a thing, that no living human should ever have to endure. 

My Name is Truth and I Approve This Message

My Name is Truth and I Approve This Message

First of all, this is not a political post. If you're looking for someone with whom to debate politics, I'm so not your girl. It's not because I don't think they're important, by all means, I believe it's very important to be an informed citizen, to pray for our leaders, and for crying out loud, to GO VOTE! 

Dear October...

Dear October...

...I usually love you. The air is turning cooler, the leaves are changing colors, we are being inundated with all things pumpkin spice, and everyone is pulling out their boots and jackets (well, don't be misled; this is Texas and our shorts and flip-flops aren't packed away just yet). And while all my friends are posting their cute "I'm so glad I live in a world with Octobers" pictures on Instagram, I'm preparing myself for what the end of October brings.