Sometimes life isn't fair. Sometimes it hurts way more than it should. Sometimes the things that were supposed to go so right end up turning out so wrong, and we ache in places we never knew existed. And it's not that we expect everything to always be perfect because let's face it - that's just not life, but we do wish there was a way to protect ourselves from the really tough stuff. The stuff we wish wasn't even a thing, that no living human should ever have to endure.
Recently I have had multiple conversations with people dealing with hard life stuff. It's yucky. It's messy. It's heartbreaking. It's disappointing. It's painful. It's sad. And often it causes us to question what we truly believe about God, why He allows certain things, why He doesn't intervene in certain ways, and why it seems that some people have to endure way more than their share.
I grew up in a Christian home rather protected from a lot of the haunting, ugly parts of life. Everything wasn't perfect, but living in middle class America I was not surrounded by or often acquainted with people whose stories were riddled with pain and despair. I knew it existed, but it never truly touched my life.
And then I grew up.
Once in college it became increasingly apparent that my experience growing up was very different from so many others. So much brokenness and pain, grief and turmoil, so much life lived by young adults not even yet 20. I was constantly reminded of how the Lord had protected me day in and day out, even in ways I couldn't possibly know.
But why?
Why do so many seem to have to endure so much, and on the surface, my life appeared so "easy?" Is it just the grace of a generous God poured out on me? Is it "reward" for not royally screwing up my life with dumb decisions in high school? (Answer: NO) Or, is it something we'll never really know the answer to? While I have since lived a little more life and endured some really hard stuff, I can see that we have a choice in how we will respond to these hard things, both in our lives personally and in the lives of those around us.
Here are a few things I've learned:
1. If you live long enough, eventually you will endure some hard life. I write this post having just acknowledged the one-year anniversary of my Dad's death. A year ago today in fact, was the Celebration of Life service. As my Mom and I sat just a few days ago reminiscing about the last year and all the pain leading up to it, it was a reminder that there have been many hard days over the last several years. Though we loved him dearly and miss him terribly, Dad was miserable in so many ways. And now he is rejoicing in heaven, free of pain. At the ripe old age of 32, I can say I have now experienced a little more of the disparity this world offers, seen the injustice, and begun to understand more of the hatred, cruelty, and depression. None of us are immune to it, and we can't shut our eyes and will it away.
2. We each have a choice in how we will respond. The Bible never says that if you choose to follow Christ your days will be free of hardship and it will just rain puppies and chocolate (though I'm all for that!!! Wait....actually that would cause a lot MORE hardship for parents everywhere. Never mind). He promises us that when we experience hard times of pain and loss (see #1 above) we have a choice in how to handle it. I love Psalm 23: "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me." We must remember that HE IS WITH US. Often hard times come with confusion and questions and loneliness and wondering "where is He?" But in the times when our flesh is chin-deep in grief and heartache, His truth never changes, never falters, never ends. In the story of Job, it is the presence of God that is most comforting and there are countless other stories throughout Scripture where the exact same promise is given, "I will be with you." Cheesy as it is, I appreciate the truth in the thought that "sometimes He calms the storm, and other times He calms His child." (Scott Krippayne)
(1989 just called and they want their song back.)
3. Every situation is an opportunity for ministry. I have learned more about ministry in the past two years than perhaps in any other time in my life, and much of it has been through watching my parents. Time and time and time again, they gave out of the overflow of their relationship with the Lord. I cannot tell you the number of times my Mom has delivered some kind of food to an individual or family only to have them tell her how it blessed them to the core of their being. They weren't just thanking her because she is a fabulous cook - she undoubtedly is - but it is incredible to hear how many people have never been the recipient of such simple love, generosity and thoughtfulness, or done the same for others.
It has been a constant reminder to open my eyes and look for ways to bless others every single day. Who do I know is hurting? Write a note. Cook them a meal. Pick up a small gift while I'm out and leave it in their mailbox. Stick a gift card in their purse. Keep their kids for a few hours. Take them to coffee. And the list goes on.
Here's the point: hurting people are everywhere, whether it's you or your neighbor. The pain and suffering and hard times are not going away any time soon, and as the hands and feet of Christ, we are called to DO SOMETHING. Part of that doing something is choosing to model a biblical response in the midst of our own grief. I have a sweet friend who not so long ago had two miscarriages back-to-back. Though it felt like a punch in the gut and the tears flowed freely, she never stopped believing that her God was good, that He loved her, and that He was still more than able to give her a baby if He chose to do so. Some other friends of ours recently walked through the most excruciatingly painful ordeal with adoption I have ever encountered personally, and are still some of the most beautiful, godly people I have ever met. Though their hearts are so broken, their eyes sparkle with the light of Christ - because NOTHING can take away the truth of who He is. The other part of doing something is looking for ways to reach out and encourage those around us who are walking through their own seasons of hurt and grief, whether we fully relate to where they're at or not.
I wonder, what is it that you are called to do today? Do you have a story to tell? Tell it bravely, all the while remembering that the glory goes to God as He has graciously given you all things and provided for your every need. Do you know someone who is hurting? Pick up your phone right now and order them dinner then write an encouraging note. Are you in a season where things are pretty great and currently not really all that hard? Fill your mind with Scripture, preparing yourself for the days when you feel swallowed up by darkness and fear, because you can't live life too long before experiencing an encounter with disappointment.
In 2 Corinthians, Paul reminds us to press on in faith even when things are tough, because we serve a big God who is able to handle all the hard, the messy, the painful, as well as our questions, too. He sees us. He is for us. And He desperately loves us, even on the days when we don't feel like it.
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12:9-10