**Disclaimer: This post was actually written in March, but didn't get published. However, I felt it still needed to be shared.
I have been waiting to post this for a while, because I just haven't quite had the words. My heart has been so full, so heavy, and so burdened. This past week, some dear family friends tragically lost their son/husband/brother to a ranch fire in the Texas panhandle. Mine and Justin's hearts have been hurting for them all week, along with countless others who knew and loved this man and his family. My heart has been breaking for his 30-year old wife and their two small children, with a third on the way.
These are the moments when there are so many questions. So many "God we know you are good, but.....just, why???" In a true testimony to the life of a believer however, the grief accompanying this tragedy has been rivaled only by the strong and genuine love for the Lord and trust in Him. Similar to a Job-moment, we cry out, "God, our hearts hurt like no other and the pain threatens to suffocate us. The questions multiply while the answers evade us. AND YET. We believe. We trust. We choose to lift our eyes to the hills, from whence cometh our help."
It is still so difficult to put into words all I have experienced this past week, and I am not even half as close to these people as my husband is. But I have been challenged a great deal just by watching and listening. The resounding message of the memorial service was clear: this man lived for his Savior. In all he did and said, how he loved others, served those around him, made decisions, and used his gifts, he did it to point people to the cross of Christ. In his short life of 35 years he had made a very big impact.
Sitting in the service, watching my distinguished husband on stage facilitating part of the service and supporting his friends, I reflected on my life. And I wondered, what would people be saying if this were my service?"
Bear with me, I'm not trying to be morbid in the least. But, I do think it is healthy to examine our lives and consider the impact we are having on those around us. We have a choice as to how we will spend our days. How will we show love to others? How we will encourage the hurting, the weak, the lonely? Will we go through life knowing a lot about the Bible but failing to put it into practice? Will anyone ever actually see Jesus in the way we act or react in situations?
The verse read several times in the service: "How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands.I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you." Psalm 119:9-11
That is the prayer of my heart. May I seek the Lord with all my heart so that His words are tucked deeply inside my heart at all times. May I have the eyes of Jesus - eyes of compassion and gentleness that are quick to see people the way He did. May my life be marked by wisdom, wisdom that can only come from time spent in the Word. May I never forget that those who are truly blessed, truly filled with joy, are those who have chosen to walk according to the law of the Lord.
I have one life to live, and I'm not promised it will be long. How will I choose to spend it?