I love a new year. New starts. Fresh goals. Reflection on the past and planning for the future. (And since I'm an office supply nerd, crisp new notebooks and calendars.) A little reset to all the crazy that has happened.
And though I hope to start off right, to start fresh, some days I am blatantly aware of the deep, deep ugliness of my heart. A new year doesn't just wash that away. At times it manifests itself in the form of rage - usually due to something my children did or did not do. Other times it pokes its head up and tries to grabs every cute shirt, makeup trend, or stylish home decor within reach. And still others it sits heavy in the pit of my stomach, like a sopping wet towel in a heap, drenched with self-pity, comparison, and discontent.
Ugh.
And why?
I don't claim to have all the answers, but somewhere along the way I think a light is beginning to dawn...
The key is LIFE. There is an intrinsic need to be hooked up to a life source, imperative really. Without it we can't, you know, survive.
But just as the song says, "looking for love in all the wrong places," so the same could be true of life. Many times I look for life in all the wrong places. I want to be fed, nourished, held, comforted, filled, refreshed, and loved by something I choose, often that I can touch and smell. And usually it's because I saw someone who had that same thing on Instagram and told me it was life-changing. Of course, it takes about 3 seconds to realize that that will not fulfill any of the desires mentioned above. At least not for very long, or in a very real way.
There must be something greater.
And there is.
"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning...In him was life, and that life was the light of men." John 1:1,2, 4
In Him was LIFE.
What makes for good life?
Fulfillment
Comfort
Provision
Joy
Community
Purpose
Acceptance, just to name a few...
When we settle for counterfeit life sources, we reap counterfeit benefits. Just like counterfeit money, it might last for a while, until you get caught. So why do I keep forgetting this? Why do I do the same thing over and over and over?
I'm realizing the older I get that everything really just boils down to plain 'ol choice. You either tell the truth or you don't. You either choose to get up early or sleep in. You either choose to exercise or sit on the couch. I've yet to meet a person who was literally forced to eat a box of donuts or entire pizza to save their life...
Just saying.
Most of the time, we consciously choose what to pursue, what to give space in our day or thoughts to. And then, we reap the benefits or lack thereof.
This verse gets me:
"But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season, and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers." Psalm 1:2-3
A tree planted by a stream is constantly drawing from the life source. It has situated itself in such a way that anything it needs is within reach. It can't help but thrive because of its location. Consequently, it's rhythms are in sync and it never dries up for lack of nutrition. How could it possibly want or need to look anywhere else for fulfillment??
"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10
Just like choosing whether or not to order the venti double chocolate chip frap with extra whipped cream, I have a choice to make. (But darn, that sounds good!) Where am I going to look for life? Which life source will I choose to connect to? And then how close to that source will I plant myself? Will it be a daily, continual stream, or an occasional rain when I feel particularly parched or guilty because I messed up royally?
I know which one I want, and I know which one I need.
Drawing from the true Life Source will produce in me kind words, a patient heart, and loving spirit. My perspective will be different and the way I view others will change. Needs that seemed to be so urgent before will slowly become wants that really are no longer necessary. Just like the cliche new year purge, so my heart will be purged, giving up the junk I've kept stashed in a closet "just in case."
So, here's to 2017, a year for choosing life, real life. Life the way Jesus intended. I want to flourish like a healthy tree on the bank, whose leaf does not wither when her children disobey or her house seems less than picture-perfect. I want to bear fruit in season, in sync with the Creator's time table and His plans for my life. I want my life to be full - full of purpose and fulfillment and belief that comes from knowing Jesus intimately. I know that will only happen this year as I intentionally choose to continually connect to His life. I'm on a mission to watch His life, His ways, and soak it all up. And hopefully, I'll also say no to that donut a little more often.
Cheers!